Fanview: February 23, 2021

Kavorka!

By Joe Torosian

“The thing about football – the important thing about football – is that it is not just about football.”—Terry Prattchett

Kick it!

Miss one day at the office, and it’s nothing but work, work, work.

It also seems my website gets more hits out of concern for my wife, a Saxon Top 25, or Urena’s baseball column. I don’t mind getting humbled, but to get thrown in the mud and kicked in the head with an iron boot—well, that didn’t happen.

But it’s how I felt…Like Albert Pujols dragging himself across the finish line after ten seasons in Anaheim.

Enough about me; life could be worse. I could be a Chargers fan…or the parent of the teenager who heckled Cam Newton over the weekend.

My girls weren’t great athletes, but I had two big-time rules.

One, I never let them cry their way into a victory—even when they fell victim to Little League “Revert” rules. (Talk about an experience of pain and inconvenience.) 

Two, I never let them speak disrespectfully to an adult. If they did, their butt was cooked.

That kid mocking Newton needs to be shown what’s what by his parents. Because if he gets away with just an apology, somebody–not named Cam–is going to shatter his teeth the next time.

In the “Get A Room You Two” Department:
Waiting for news on my wife’s busted ankle yesterday, I listened to the opening of Colin Cowherd’s show. I don’t agree with everything Cowherd says. But he’s the most talented guy out there this side of the late Rush Limbaugh in terms of radio talent.

Colin can bring it, but his opening monologue Monday morning was so fawning over San Francisco 49ers’ quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo. I thought he was going to propose marriage.

And he avoided the basic premise…That if Garoppolo is so good, why is SanFran looking to move on from him?

Next Add Cam Newton: If you saw him against the Rams this season, you know he needs to retire…or you have no eyes. The talk about him going back to New England and running an RPO offense is ridiculous. Even if given a clean pocket, his arm has about as much life as Chad Pennington’s.

Question for Coaches: Why do some players have hands and others don’t? 

I’ve always had good hands. I was born with good hands. I’m hardly a Biletnikoff, but I can catch the ball without the use of stick-um.

If you’re involved in sports, how can you settle with having bad hands? You can have a weak arm, have a weak bat, and be slow, but bad hands should be correctable. Right?

First Add Lakers: The team’s lost three in a row, Anthony Davis is out for a month, and all the NBA media can talk about is LeBron James’ candidacy for MVP.

Why does anyone give a rats butt about the NBA MVP in February? Why does anyone care at all? If we’re not talking about NBA title contenders, I’d rather discuss why the Washington Wizards are more fun to watch than the Los Angeles Lakers.

As the cast was being molded to my wife’s leg, I kept listening to the radio…and a woman’s voice comes on talking about menopause. And then, the woman identifies herself as Mary Lou Retton.

The country met Mary Lou Retton at the 1984 Olympics when she was winning gold at 16—and probably before she got her first kiss. Now she’s 53 and doing menopause commercials? 

When did I get so old?

Next Add Lakers: Kyle Kuzma reminds me of Devin George, but with more skills. Remember Devin George? He was the talented forward on the Lakers title teams with Shaq & Kobe. And there was always this expectation he was going to break through and become something more.

That’s Kuzma. You appreciate his talent, but—Like Foghat after “Slow Ride”—you’re always waiting for him to do more.

I’ll never fathom the dudes that get up early on Sunday morning not to go to church, not to watch football (When there is football) but to walk and watch their dog take a dump…And then pick it up!

Homey, don’t play that. If I’m not going to church, I’m watching football. If I’m not going to church and there’s no football? Wake me up for brunch.

(Have to admit, there was some benefit to five weeks off in the fall after dodging a heart attack.)

Last Add Lakers: They’re in trouble…and it’s not LeBron’s fault. The team doesn’t have a viable Three, their Two is prone to breakdown, and LeBron is playing 43 minutes to keep LA in a game against the Washington Basketball Team.

P.S. No sarcasm…Thank you for your thoughts and prayers for my wife.

The Dude abides…
1,174
1 Corinthians 8:9

Joe T. is the author of “Tangent Dreams: A High School Football Novel” … “Temple City & The Company of The Ages” … “The Dead Bug Tales” … “The Dark Norm” & “FaithViews for Storm Riders”…all five available through Amazon.com.

www.JoeTorosian.com
jtbank1964@yahoo.com
Follow Joe on Twitter @joet13b
Instagram: @joet13b
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Be sure to read:
The Saxon Top 25—Every Monday (College Bball)
The Urena Express—Every Wednesday (MLB)

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