The RamCave
By Joe Torosian
So I got to see the Rams play and a heaping/helping of SoFi… It’s a nice stadium, but I don’t care. Stan Kroenke didn’t build it for me or anybody with reasonable thought patterns about money and economics.
I’ve seen the Rams play a few times since returning to Los Angeles. The Coliseum was improved and theoretically a great place to see a game. Except with everyone coming and going between possessions for a beer, dance-cam, kiss-cam, etc., etc.…I didn’t see much of the game.
Instead, I found myself longing for the days when I was special and sitting in a press box. I don’t care about sitting in the stands at an NFL game. I want bathrooms and food readily available. I want my stats brought to me at the end of each quarter by an intern. I want to be elbow-to-elbow with people invested in the game and not the hype of the game.
If I’m not sitting in a press box at an NFL game, I want to watch it from the RamCave (my home office). I love watching football, but I can’t handle watching football with riff-raff. And then when the brawl breaks out, I can’t put up with all the pundits and commentators talking about how terrible it is but never addressing the cause of it all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtHZeX2iNLc
Alcohol…Alcohol…Alcohol…
That’s not my Protestant Puritanism breaking out…I don’t care if you drink wine or have a brewski…but don’t get hammered around me. And I’m not paying triple-digit prices (reasonable thought patterns about economics) to sit in the stands next to a bunch of drunks a hair-trigger away from going to war.
I’ll take the RamCave without the riff-raff all the time…and three times on Sunday.
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Regarding the Game:
Love the pre-season, but two games are enough(and don’t even get me started on a 17-game schedule). I like desperation. I like watching guys take their best shot with everything on the line.
Rams quarterback Bryce Perkins played with that kind of desperation last night.
I don’t know why people are so in love with Duck Hodges. But the good news is after watching Perkins play, more people will have a chance to see Hodges as he continues his tour across America via NFL free agency.
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Jacob Harris was terrific, but that dude is as much a tight-end as Tim Duncan was a power-forward. I’m sure at some point Harris will be asked to block along the line of scrimmage…but I don’t know if it’s going to be necessary…or even wise.
In fact, if Tutu Atwell (The Rams version of Seattle’s Tyler Lockett?) and Harris develop fuller…The day is coming—sooner than we may think—when Robert Woods and Cooper Kupp will be set adrift.
Woods and Kupp can still play and are better than Harris and Atwell…but you can see it happening. And if I’m Van Jefferson… I’m going to keep renting, and my bags packed.
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Justin Lawler? I thought he was a wrestler.
He didn’t do much more than roam the middle of the field, but I liked what I saw in inside-linebacker Earnest Jones. Using the same measuring stick used for Harris (who is not a tight end in any traditional sense), Jones is as much an inside-linebacker as I am a singer-songwriter…Then again, my idea of an inside-linebacker is Mark Jerue.
The secondary looks deep. J.R. Reed? Yeah, that dude’s alright. So that will be comforting when Taylor Rapp pops something in his leg.
***
If I were currently on the Rams roster, I would feel better about not playing last night than playing. A good chunk of them will be, should be, looking at unemployment…or the CFL.
This includes offensive lineman Bobby Evans. Projected to be a starter at guard, Evans was on the field last night with the scrubs…and he didn’t look very good playing against the Chargers scrubs.
This means after letting Austin Blythe walk to Kansas City (1-yr, less than a million) and planning to move Austin Corbett to center and Evans to guard–the Rams are having to re-think. This means Corbett is back at guard, Brandon Allen (Help Me!) is back at center for the first time since 2019, and Bobby Evans is playing with the scrubs, putting U-Haul on speed dial, and exchanging contact information with his teammates.
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Around The NFL & Other Places:
Hardknocks—is Softknocks these days.
Regarding “Hardknocks” and Cowboys HC Mike McCarthy’s rah-rah to his team. I, of course, had heard of “Harry High School,” but I never heard of “Charlie Blank-Around.”
My heart stopped when I heard McCarthy say, “Charlie Blank-Around doesn’t work here!” I laughed so hard I about split a gut. I had never heard of “Charlie Blank-Around” before. Has anybody ever heard of “Charlie Blank-Around”…?
I’ve been on a lot of sidelines, prep, college, pro…I never heard of “Charlie Blank-Around.”
***
I’ve got a problem with women being play-by-play announcers for NFL/NCAA games. I have no problem with them reporting, writing, or even providing commentary (ala Mina Kimes–she’s solid) in the booth. But the pitch/tone/sound of the female voice doesn’t work with football. It hurts the ears…Kind of like making Frank Sinatra cover Linda Ronstadt.
I guess my cancellation is now booked and ticketed. Oh well, life goes on. If I get called onto the carpet, I’ll just blame it on Charlie Blank-Around and alcohol.
Joe T. is the author of “Tangent Dreams: A High School Football Novel” … “Temple City & The Company of The Ages” … “The Dead Bug Tales” … “The Dark Norm” & “FaithViews for Storm Riders”…all five available through Amazon.com.
www.JoeTorosian.com
jtbank1964@yahoo.com
Follow Joe on Twitter @joet13b
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